Free Union First Mayoral Candidate

Mark Neisser for MayorFree Union Mayoral candidate Mark Neisser Runs for Non-Existent Office

Running on a platform of : FREE BEER (Root Beer), FREE GAS (Baked Beans) and FREE INTERNET (AOL Disks), Mr. Neisser attempted to buy the votes of the Free Union locals, during the 2006 Free Union Parade. It was a pitiful display of self promotion and arrogance that was only rivaled by the fact that Mr. Neisser forced his innocent twin sister, who was visiting from New England to ride in his dangerously unstable float and promote his "campaign"!!! Mr. Neisser's wife was not seen anywhere, adding fuel to the fire that Neisser was not being supported by his own wife!

Because of the dangers of today's streets and Mr. Neisser's street smarts he was accompanied by a crack team of insecurity guards. The only one available on the holiday weekend was brother in law Joe Berman who, although blind and walking with a cane, was able to squelch several attempts on Mr. Neisser's life during the 10 minute parade.

Mr. Neisser crushed the only other candidate; who ran on a platform of peace and prosperity, but caused untold damage to children's teeth by tossing razor sharp candy to the crowd; and several directly at the eyes of Mr. Neisser.


Total population of Free Union: 735

Free Union Wanted PosterFree Union Searches for Criminal Mastermind!!!

Free Unionites, while engrossed in it's famous July Parade, were unaware that walking in their ranks was wanted criminal mastermind Kram Ressien.

Seen posted on the Free Union Post Office door, this wanted poster announced the danger to all. Sadly, no one seemed to take it very seriously and Kram was not captured. Some even acted like the whole thing was one big joke.

We will keep you posted on his capture when it occurs right here at

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